"Stop spying on us," say Americans between updating Facebook statuses

Americans are NOT happy with possibly being spied on. We don't like anyone being up in our business, or the idea that hackers or strangers would find out anything about our lives. Now if you'll excuse us, we just got our apps and need to Insta these pot stickers.

"They have no right to invade my privacy," insist Americans, as they humblebrag on Facebook timelines filled with publicly-viewable information like where they live, where their kids go to school, rants about their jobs, oversharing of their personal lives, and "likes" of pages that reveal their political views and hygiene product preferences.

"Don't bother me," they say as they hyperfocus over looking accomplished and professional in LinkedIn profiles with hundreds of "connections" to people they have no reason to be connected to except that somebody they are connected to is connected to somebody who is connected to the other ones.

"Stay out of my inbox," they type furiously into their email filled with ads targeted by scanning the content of their private messages.

"Go away, NSA," they chant, while posting barefoot-hammock Instagrams of their cruise, revealing to the world that their home is completely unoccupied for two weeks.

"Leave us alone," everyone cries, as they obsess over composing insightful and witty Twitter tweets, then add multiple #hashtags to be sure their thoughts are seen by as many strangers as possible.

"Don't stalk me," they complain, as they friend former flames and friends of friends of friends, and check in everywhere so that their routes and routines can be easily pieced together by anyone.

No, we are not happy here in America, not one bit. And as soon as we finish composing this status and tagging our friends, relatives, and other peoples' children, we're going to write a very sternly-worded Tumblr about it.
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I write plays and lyrics. I design for print and web. I blog about apps, Mac stuff, and writing.
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